Hans Bauer’s poem on the military farce

The German Military Farce

Hans Bauer’s poem on the military farce

Hans Bauer, Die Weltbühne no. 19, May 12, 1931

In the picture’s opening scene
The hero charges out on-screen.
He looks ahead with a vacant stare
Then promptly tumbles from his mare.

He proudly wears his army clothes.
The only other thing he knows
Is how to knock up local dames.
And for that he’s almost too inane!

A veteran of the royal guard,
The sargeant bellows in the yard.
He makes his soldiers’ blood go cold,
But inside he has a heart of gold.

Then the camera shows the major,
smart and dapper and bold as brass.
He, too, is always after tail,
Though of a somewhat higher class.

They all are always on alert
To patrol grounds inside of skirts
As long as the censor does not waive
Their mischief off as too depraved.

The back row’s rolling in the aisles
Helped by the absurd delights
Of screwball marches and slapstick drills.
Welcome to German film comedy.

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